Raised by cinema-loving goats in the depths of the Austrian Alps, I nurtured a masochistic dream of being tortured at a Kung Fu School in China. So, I secretly learned Chinese, dropped out of engineering school and embarked on a hitchhiking journey across Asia, where I eventually found myself at the gates of Song Jiang Wushu school in the paradise of Shan Dong. 4 years flew by in the blink of an eye and I loved every second of it.
However, when the Austrian military caught wind that one of their own had departed the Austrian Reich to hone his combat skills in China, they swiftly ordered my return to harness my supernatural powers. Yet, their plans faltered. Sent on a solo mission to protect the entire Austrian border, I welcomed thousands of immigrants, for which I was blamed for allegedly crushing the economy.
As I faced the end of my military career and got fed up with my commanding cheeseheads, I decided to pen a book chronicling my escapades in China, intending to inspire thousands of Austrians to pilgrimage to China. But the book flopped. Why? Somewhere along the way, I forgot most of my German. So no one could understand my gibberish.
However, to promote my book, I started a website showcasing martial arts techniques in animations and videos. Surprisingly, it gained popularity — especially among those who, like me, weren’t so literate — and people from peculiar corners of the world, where they didn’t German.
Betraying my homeland yet again, I secretly married a woman from distant lands and began traveling the world, freelancing and creating animations and videos. At some point, we picked up a couple of cameras and a dog — and lived happily ever after...
